


Only Angel

by EllaStorm



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gift Fic, M/M, Parabatai Bond, Pining, Post-Mission, Wingfic, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-10-31 21:05:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10907448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllaStorm/pseuds/EllaStorm
Summary: An unpleasant encounter with a nest of Stymphalians forces Jace and Alec to make a stopover in the middle of Central Park. The flight has Alec's barriers worn thin; and he really shouldn't be looking at Jace like that... But sometimes responsibility isn't calling the shots, and there’s nothing he can do about it.





	Only Angel

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SandraMorningstar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SandraMorningstar/gifts).



> This story is a birthday present to my beloved @SandraMorningstar who asked me to write Jalec WingFic for her. Well, here we are, my dear; it is WingFic, indeed, but it’s also angsty as hell, and even though I know how you like to torture me (and yourself) with your own brilliant stories, providing me with an unquenchable thirst for literary revenge, I do hope I didn’t overstep. But this is how the story wanted to be written, I guess, and however hard I tried, it was always going to be an uncertain future for Jace and Alec…
> 
> You are officially allowed to avenge your feelings with more painful fics from your side of the table. I’ll be glad and willing to suffer for this.
> 
> The title has obviously been taken from our mutual current obsession, Mr. Harry Fucking Styles, and his fantastic first album. He truly is a blessing to the universe.
> 
> Sandra, love, I hope you like this story (despite the pain) and it’s at least a little like you wanted it to be.
> 
> Happy Birthday!

“We need to move, Jace! Now!”

The words had only just left his mouth when a small, whirring object shot mere inches past his left ear, but Jace had heard him, despite the less than ideal weather conditions around them, and immediately went into steep descent. Alec followed his shock of blond hair down towards the far away ground, walls of metal and glass rushing past him, bursts of wind pulling brutally at the feathers of his wings while raindrops were hitting his face like tiny ice crystals. This was a more than dangerous flying manoeuvre, right in between the skyscrapers of Downtown in a weather like this; and it wasn’t exactly complying with protocol, but since the mission they’d been on had gone awry in a major way and forced them to fly for their dear lives, Alec knew that this was one of the situations that would make even his mother scream a loud and harsh _“Then FUCK protocol!”_ at him.

The lights of the traffic below them came closer, and Alec could sense Jace straining his muscles to hold his course and keep from going too low. He considered throwing a glance over his shoulder, see if the Stymphalians were still after them, but he really couldn’t risk it; the flying in and of itself was hazardous enough. He only hoped that the razor-sharp iron feathers they were probably still shooting after them would miss their targets.

Jace took a sharp turn to the left, and Alec nearly crashed into the building in front of him, when an unpredicted gush of wind hit him from the side. He managed to stabilise himself in the air, saw the outer feathers of his right wing brush the window of the adjacent glass complex very slightly for a moment, then he picked up pace again, down the street canyon, on and on and on, after Jace, adrenaline spiking up in his veins like a drug – and suddenly there was space; green open space beneath him.

_Central Park._

Relief rushed through his system as he saw Jace’s head disappear through the crowns of the trees. He sighed and let himself sink lower as well. Deep, rain-soaked green surrounded him for a few seconds and he dragged the sweet, clean air into his lungs before his feet finally touched ground.

Jace was a few yards ahead of him, standing on the same half-lit cobblestone path that Alec had landed on, ruffling his rain-drenched wings. They were jet black, just like his clothes, with small silver highlights at the very tips of a few choice feathers sprinkled in between, highlights that were only visible in the right light, when Jace hadn’t folded his wings up neatly behind his back, like he did too often.

Alec knew about this because he had spent hours upon hours during training or on missions or whenever something required Jace to span his wings to their full width, trying to get a glimpse of them. And now, in the low glow of the streetlights in the middle of Central Park, not a single person apart from them in sight, those silver spots were shimmering on Jace’s rumpled-up wings like stars in a clear night sky.

Alec knew he shouldn’t be staring. He knew he shouldn’t even have taken note of the specifics of Jace’s wings, shouldn’t look at them the way he did, shouldn’t look at _Jace_ the way he did. What he was doing here was the worst thing he possibly could, at least according to the law. The Clave would have his head on a plate, if they learned about this. _Everyone_ , including Jace, would hate and shun him for the rest of his life. Alec was very, very aware of these facts. But Jace’s wings were the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. And some part of him had never really figured out how to stop staring.

Alec made his presence known with a loud ruffle of his own wings that he’d kept more or less still up to this point, shaking the rain from the feathers. He had inherited their colour from his parents, brown mixed with light camel and gold, the same pattern his father and his little brother were sporting on theirs, and similar to the slightly darker brown of his mother’s. The only person who stepped out of line was his sister: Izzy’s wings had a lot more red in them than was typical for a Lightwood. Alec smiled at the thought of their first real mission together, a warehouse full of vampires, his sister’s wings burning like fire in the neon lights, rage red, as she took the beasts down, grinning at Alec with victory in her eyes. She had been amazing that evening, and the happiest he’d ever seen her…

“Hey,” Alec jerked when Jace’s voice ripped him straight out of the memory. His parabatai was marching towards him, and before he could give an answer a pair of strong arms had wrapped themselves around him and pulled him in. Alec let himself fall into the embrace like a reflex and felt his gut slowly unclench. The wet leather of Jace’s jacket at his chin and the soggy strands of blond against his cheek thoroughly rooted him in the present and his body started to relax out of the fighting stance it had been in for the past couple of hours. Alec could sense the warmth bleeding through the connection between him and his parabatai, and he relished the feeling of gratefulness surging up inside him with it – gratefulness that they were both here, alive and well, against all odds.

Jace let go of him and looked him in the eye, his brows furrowed.

“What the hell went wrong there?”

Alec bit his lip. “I have no clue. They said rogue wolves. Nobody told us about _Stymphalians_. They wouldn’t have let us go without sensible armour against those. Maybe the source was wrong.”

“Or the source tricked us.”

Alec nodded. If Jace was right, that was bad news for the whole Institute.

“Someone will have to investigate this.”

Jace huffed. “We both know who these _someones_ are going to be, don’t we? I have had enough of Stymphalians well into my next life, if you ask me.”  
“It’s our job, Jace,” Alec reminded him, despite the fact that he had enough of Stymphalians well into _both_ of his next lives himself.

He would have expected Jace to roll his eyes at him, but instead the corners of his mouth pulled up. “Have you ever done something that’s _not_ responsible, Alec?”

Alec kept his mouth shut. Jace got into this kind of mood after a long mission sometimes, charged and reckless, ready to ask odd questions and break rules without batting an eyelid, but Alec wouldn’t be led on thin ice. Playing along would mean more trouble than it was worth, so all he did was pull up one eyebrow and turn around, away from Jace, getting himself ready to take off in the direction of the Institute.

A hand grabbed his arm, before he could.

“Have you, Alec?”

Alec closed his eyes, sighed deeply and turned back around. This was a bad, _bad_ idea. But maybe he could take the wind out of Jace’s sails. It was worth a try.

“You know me better than anybody, Jace. I shouldn’t even have to tell you this. You _know_ I had my moments. Shooting arrows down the hallway between our rooms. Sneaking out of the Institute in the middle of the night to have diner food. Drawing runes on Izzy’s dresses so they would disappear and she wouldn’t be able to find them.”

Jace let out a breathy laugh. “I hate to remind you, but the first one was Izzy’s suggestion and the other two mine. Every time you did something stupid it was somebody else’s idea.”

“That’s not true.”

“Oh, is it? Then prove me wrong.” His expression looked outright dangerous, and Alec had the sudden urge to run. Jace possessed the uncanny ability to make him feel like he was digging himself deeper with every word he was saying in these types of situations, even though he consciously knew that it wasn’t so: Alec didn’t have to render any account to his parabatai, he hadn’t even started this conversation – or whatever one might call it. But, still, _still,_ something inside him demanded him to take up the challenge.

“Do you remember this girl from Idris? She was at the Institute last year. Estrella.”

Jace grinned. “Yeah, I remember her. She was great.”

“Well, two nights before she left I snuck into her room.”

The grin grew broader. “You did?”

“Yeah.”

“And?”

From here on out Alec would have to improvise. It was true – he had snuck down the hallway, into Estrella’s room, mostly because he knew Jace had found her hot, which meant that she _was_ probably hot and – well, in retrospect he didn’t even know why the hell he had done what he had done. Estrella had been overjoyed to see him, and they had kissed, once, but it hadn’t been particularly good, so they’d ended up drinking some type of bubbly alcoholic beverage she’d brought from Idris, laughing a lot and swapping stories about their respective lives for the rest of the night.

“Ahh – well,” Alec continued. “She was pretty…ya know. Good. At it.”

“Don’t spare me the details.”

Alec felt a flush creep up his neck. “That’s really personal, Jace.”

Now Jace _did_ roll his eyes at him.

And then, only a second later, he grabbed Alec’s lapel and pulled him in, way too close. Alec could feel his breath on his mouth as Jace tilted his head and stared him straight in the eye, a small smile on his lips. “That’s not the story Estrella told me.”

Alec felt his heart sink.

_Oh no._

“I snuck into her room the night right before she left, you know.” Jace’s smile grew predatory, and Alec could feel something hot rise in his belly. His head was swimming. “After I’d made her come for the second time she told me about your _lovely_ evening. And how you didn’t do it at all. And how she was pretty sure you weren’t actually into her. Which begs the question: Why are you telling me this story? Are you really that scared I’d be judging you for _not_ being irresponsible? Hm?”

Alec ripped himself from Jace’s grip and glared at him. The hot, terrifying thing in his stomach had found an unholy partner in sheer, rightful anger, ready to boil over.

“Fuck you, Jace. You have no idea.”

“About what?”

“Responsibility. What it means. If I let it go. If I told you-“ He stopped himself, but it was too late.

“Told me what?” Jace was smiling at him again, his stupid, smug smile, and that, finally, was too much.

With a swift movement of his hand Alec grabbed Jace by the collar of his leather jacket and pulled him into a bruising kiss. Their teeth knocked together, and their lips didn’t properly align, but Alec didn’t care. It had been painful to hold this in, and it was even more painful to let it out, and just when he was readying himself for Jace to shove him away and give him the beatdown of his life, he felt fingers touching the nape of his neck, lips searching for a better angle against his, softness streaming through their bond, until Alec felt tears well up in his eyes and broke away from Jace with an agonized sound deep in his throat.

He couldn’t move, couldn’t speak, but there were fingertips against his cheek, Jace’s eyes somewhat blurry in front of him and a hand at the back of his head.

“It’s okay, Alec. It’s okay.”

Alec clenched his teeth and blinked the tears from his eyes. “No, Jace, it’s not,” he managed. “This is why I don’t overstep. If I’m not in control…”

“What then?” Jace’s voice was barely a whisper.

And Alec – Alec didn’t even know what he was saying any more. The words were flowing over his lips like a dam had been broken inside him, rushing out of his mouth over the edge into the unknown. “I would have done what I just did a year ago. I would have snuck into your room instead of Estrella’s that night, put my hands on you and made you mine. I would have told you how I’ll never be able to be with anyone, because you live and no one will ever be you. I would have- Would have-“

His voice got stuck, but he didn’t need to say anything more, because Jace was there, putting his lips on Alec’s and kissing him like his life depended on it. For a while, nothing mattered, nothing but Jace kissing him, and him kissing Jace, a fact, an unalterable moment in time.

They let go of each other a while later, and Alec couldn’t possibly tell how much later it was, but reality was rearing its ugly head inside him, and he wanted to step away from his parabatai, give them both space to process.

Jace didn’t let him. He pressed his forehead to Alec’s and spoke against his lips, urgently and quietly. “I was there. Right in front of your room. Often. Sometimes seven nights in a row. I waited for five, ten, fifteen minutes. Thought about it over and over. And then I turned around again and went back to mine. I was never brave enough, Alec. Never.”

Alec wanted to protest, wanted to tell Jace what they both already knew, that this was _wrong_ and punishable for a reason, but listening to him speak, he couldn’t. Whatever responsibility was left in him had taken a step back and fallen silent.

“I waited for something that would never happen and now it did and it is – everything. Alec. I want you to know that. Whatever we do next. Whatever we become.”

“Yes, Jace,” Alec replied, despite himself. “Yes, it is. Everything.”

They stayed like this for a while longer, stretched the moment to its last.

Jace was the one to let go completely. He attempted a smile.

“Should we fly?” he asked.

Alec nodded.

Slowly, powerfully, Jace unfolded his wings, shimmering silver spots peeking through blackness.

With a last look at Alec he pushed himself off the ground, and Alec watched him shoot into the night sky, watched him disappear, before he did just the same.


End file.
